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In a Tiny Buddha essay, psychotherapist Steve Hauptman argues that people cannot get every part of life right at once and that choices come with tradeoffs. He describes learning to treat unfinished tasks and missed opportunities as consequences of a choice, not automatic evidence of failure.
Psychotherapist Steve Hauptman argues in a Tiny Buddha essay that people cannot meet every competing demand at once, and that accepting the cost of choices can ease the sense of failure that follows. He grounds the reflection in experiences balancing work, family, household tasks and rest, as well as an emergency-room visit after a heart test raised concern about a possible transient ischemic attack.
Hauptman describes life as a Rubik’s Cube: concentrating on one side can leave the others unsettled. He lists ordinary conflicts—seeing clients or doing chores, spending time with family or working on a book, and keeping up with professional reading or relaxing with a mystery. His conclusion is that he cannot do everything at once and is continually making tradeoffs.
He frames this as a problem of control, which he defines as the desire to make reality and other people conform to one’s needs and expectations. Hauptman says he sees three paradoxes in that pursuit: needing control can make a person feel less in control; trying to control others can lead them to push back; and gaining control in one area can mean giving it up elsewhere. These are his reflections, not findings presented from a research study.
Hauptman offers examples of the costs he associates with seeking control: a person using alcohol to manage feelings may lose control over drinking, while a career-focused executive may become estranged from family. He also describes his own tendency to treat a messy house, an unwritten book or a food choice as proof he had failed. He says he is learning instead to see what remains undone as a reminder that he chose another priority.
The Cost of Competing Priorities
The essay speaks to a common tension between limited time and competing responsibilities. Hauptman’s point is not that every choice is easy or that tradeoffs have no consequences. Rather, he suggests that judging oneself against an expectation of doing everything can turn ordinary limits into a continual sense of failure.
That distinction matters for readers weighing work, family, health, relationships and rest. Hauptman presents acceptance as a way to acknowledge what a choice leaves undone, without treating that unfinished task as proof that the entire day—or life—has gone wrong. His account is personal reflection, not a clinical recommendation or evidence that one approach works for everyone.
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A Personal Essay on Control
The source is a Tiny Buddha essay by Steve Hauptman, identified there as a licensed clinical social worker and author of Monkeytraps: Why We Try to Control Everything and How We Can Stop. The essay focuses on his own experience and interpretation of control in daily life and relationships.
Hauptman uses stories and examples to develop the argument, including the contrast between a speed-cuber who can solve a puzzle quickly and his own feeling that life’s competing demands remain unresolved. The essay’s final example shifts from routine obligations to a hospital visit, where he says he waited for tests after a cardiogram showed a blip his doctor said could suggest a transient ischemic attack.
““Well, this isn’t what I want, but it’s what I got, so okay.””
— Steve Hauptman, quoting Sylvia Boorstein
Limits of the Personal Account
The essay does not report a new study, policy change or independently verified finding. Its claims about control and tradeoffs are Hauptman’s perspective, supported by personal examples rather than evidence quantified in the source material.
Hauptman says a cardiogram blip suggested a possible TIA and that he went to the emergency room for tests. The essay does not state the test results, whether a TIA was diagnosed, or what happened after the hospital visit. It also does not give a publication date for the piece.
The Choice to Accept Tradeoffs
The source material describes no upcoming study, event or follow-up announcement. The development is the publication of Hauptman’s reflection itself, and no further action is specified. Readers seeking the full account can consult the Tiny Buddha essay named in the source material.
Hauptman ends with the hospital episode: while waiting for tests, after cancelling six client sessions and speaking with his worried wife, he says he took a nap rather than responding with the frustration he might once have felt. The account does not provide a medical outcome; its stated takeaway is his growing willingness to accept what a situation requires without treating every unmet expectation as failure.
Key Questions
What is the essay’s main point?
Hauptman argues that people cannot satisfy every priority at once. Every choice leaves something else undone, and he says that does not automatically mean the choice—or the person—has failed.
Who wrote the Tiny Buddha essay?
The essay is by Steve Hauptman, LCSW, whom Tiny Buddha identifies as a psychotherapist and author of Monkeytraps: Why We Try to Control Everything and How We Can Stop.
Does the essay report a confirmed TIA diagnosis?
No. Hauptman says a cardiogram showed a blip that his doctor said could suggest a possible TIA, prompting a trip to the emergency room. The essay does not give the test results or report a diagnosis.
Is the article based on a scientific study?
No study is cited in the supplied source material. It is a personal essay describing Hauptman’s observations and experiences, rather than a report of new research.
Source: rss
